(Tax) Dodgin' Daschle out as Smooth Says 'My Bad'

Wassup, Y'all!


I'm in the car yesterday morning, runnin' my girl to the airport and the topic of tax dodgin' Tom Daschle came up and how Smooth Barack should play it. We both agreed that in the wake of his Treasury Secretary pick, Tim 'You have to pay taxes?' Geithner and before we even knew about 'Chief Performance Officer' nominee Nancy Killefer's 'personal tax issues' that the whole deal appeared unseemly and that Tax Dodgin' Tom needed to go. I'm glad he dropped off his papers and hit the road, but ol Ty's a little surprised that the vaunted Smooth Barack vetting machine has developed a serious hitch in its giddy-up. (Commerce Secretary nominee) Bill Richardson, Geithner, Daschle and Killefer - three tax related issues and one possible pay-to-play scheme (a scheme that's surprisingly not in Illinois this time...). It seems to ol Ty that, given past history, that the tax question would be one of the first questions asked, right after the 'have you even been involved in a pay-to-play scheme' question. That's Vetting 101, y'all. Of course you could ask the questions and not get truthful answers but folks have to know that in *this* day and time - it's all gonna come out eventually....

So Smooth hits the news cycle wipin' some early egg off his face and coppin' to a 'my bad' plea. I can appreciate the apology but with the dire importance of getting a good stimulus package passed hangin' in the balance, I have to admit that I have my fingers crossed that all the personnel glitches are now ironed out. Especially since Smooth has put a lot of stock in the brainpower he has assembled to put needed focus on that and other pressing issues. Seems to me brainpower like should be able to figure out how to go to TurboTax.com and type in some numbers. It's interesting how folks with money can find more ways not to pay Gangster Sam. Well it's lookin' like our boy Sam's got his people out on the blocks takin' names and crashin' careers. Guess I need to go dust off my W-2 too...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Sarah Palin Lets The Fangs Hang Loose

Wassup, Y'all!

Didn't take long. Clearly our girl Say-Pay has learned that the best defensive is an offense so after a few days of gettin' laid out, she took the fight (and stretched the truth to the breaking point) straight to Smooth and by all accounts had a very successful coming out party. The common sentiment after that speech from the democratic side is that, 'It's On!'

Last night featured a bumper crop of good speakers (with the exception of Red Mittens Romney. Red was just whack...) who set the stage just right for Say-Pay by attacking Smooth as a well meaning, inexperienced goof and somehow conveniently forgetting to mention the sorry state of the Union, how their party is responsible for it and what, if anything, they plan to do to correct. It was classic misdirection. Don't have a record of accomplishment to talk about after eight years of Presidential control and six years of congressional control? Then demean the fact that Smooth chose to turn his back on easy lawyer money to help folks less fortunate than him by being a community organizer. By all appearances, Dick Cheney has a worthy successor in Say-Pay....

So lets get to the 'red meat' of Say-Pays less than truthful assertions about herself and Smooth:

Say-Pay says, 'I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending ... and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress'. The truth says 'As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation'.

Say-Pay says that Smooth, 'is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform _ not even in the state senate'. The truth says that Smooth, 'has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles' and 'In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requiring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases. He also successfully co-sponsored major ethics reform legislation'.

Say-Pay says that Smooth 'supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars'. The truth (and the Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute) says, 'Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually' while Citizen McCain's plan would 'raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent'

So clearly the Citizen/Say-Pay plan is to run away from an eight year record of republican ruin, wrap themselves in the flag and 'family values' and play fast and loose with the truth for the next 60 days. Hopefully the voters will see that the republicans have nothing behind the curtain except literally more of the same attack tactics that worked so successfully for GW and Buckshot Dick. Say-Pay is the new Dan Quayle? Nope - ol girl is the old Dick Cheney with a partial up-do...and lipstick.

I also found it interesting last night how dismissive they were of community service. The only view you can get from the performances at the Republican Convention up to this point is that the only service of value in America is military service. Community service, volunteering to help your fellow citizen get to a better place is clearly frowned upon by the party that brought you boot-strap self sufficiency. Given that, it should be interesting on September 11th when both Smooth and Citizen, invited speakers to a forum put on by Service Nation, address their topic of 'Community Service and Volunteerism'. I'm lookin' forward to hearing Citizen spin his talking points to say the only community service he doesn't value is that conducted by his opponent - the rest? All good, just like my military service that saw me get shot down and brutally tortured and refusing to leave before others in front of....

Was it me or did Citizen look like Uncle Fester when he took the stage to say about five words last night? Hopefully voters aren't superficial and prefer their candidates (like their hollywood stars) to be young, attractive and vigorous because next to Citizen a floor lamp will look will look younger and more vigorous than homey. Yet another reason to stand in the shadow of Say-Pay. Anyway, we've seen Smooth stand up to the blast for eighteen months. Let's see how Say-Pay handles it for two.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

On Obama, Curious George and the Georgia Fool

Wassup, Y'all!

I know you didn't think this Smooth Barack T-shirt flap had passed ol Ty by did you? A timely article pointer by Northside Shorty helped me pull it all together but together it is and it seems that once again ol Ty's ringing the class bell to educate y'all (just like I did when some folks thought it was appropriate to joke about nooses and lynching) on why putting a damn monkey on an Obama '08 T-shirt ain't funny either...

The short version is that equating an ape to a southsider is considered a derogatory stereotype that's liable to get you laid the %#@# out if you try it in mixed company. Now good ol Georgia boy Mike Norman, the unabashed purveyor of these T-shirts out of his Marietta, GA store professes there is no racist intent behind the shirts and thinks it's funny because Smooth and Curious George 'look so much alike'. Of course meathead Mike says it's because they both have 'big ears'. Ol Ty's not buyin that load - particularly from a Georgia good ol boy.

But let's get to the longer story of where this nonsense comes from. Most of this controversy can be traced back to Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution. In his later book, 'Descent of Man', Darwin postulated the following jibber-jabber:

“At some future period, not very distant as measured by centuries, the civilized races of man will almost certainly exterminate and replace throughout the world the savage races. At the same time the anthropomorphous [i.e., most human-looking] apes … will no doubt be exterminated. The break will then be rendered wider, for it will intervene between man in a more civilized state, as we may hope, than the Caucasian, and some ape as low as a baboon, instead of as at present between the negro or Australian and the gorilla.”

If you managed to stay awake through that and divined his meaning, ol boy was essentially saying that there's an evolutionary pecking order that starts at Caucasian (northsider) runs through lower species such as Negro (southsider), Australian (aborigines) and gorilla before getting to the lowly apes like the baboon. There's an implicit link formed between black races and gorillas - apes - which continues to fuel the explicit thinking that southsiders are an inferior 'species'.

This book, 'Descent of Man', has been attributed by many to be the touchstone of those who espouse ethnic cleansing or want to find justification in portraying southsiders as an animalistic sub-species. This thinking made it over to the US by way of the European settlers and gave rise to popular southern colloquialisms such as 'Spear Chucker' and 'Jungle Bunny' and the retarded thinking that blacks and apes where equivalent.

This isn't the first time this tomfoolery has caused a ruckus. Some old heads may remember when AT&T was called on the carpet for publishing a cartoon in their internal employee magazine which depicted people of the world talking on their phones. Each continent featured a representative person, while Africa featured a gorilla talking on the phone. Yes, y'all - ignorance is not contained in a single Marietta, GA bar - it can even run rampant in the upper echelons of Corporate America. To be honest, during Smooth's campaign I'm shocked that we haven't see more of this type of stupidity. I have to believe that once Smooth secures the nomination, we'll begin to see more overt signs as the status quo becomes threatened.

Unsurprisingly, this ruckus has led to death threats. Not to meathead Mike, mind you. No - these death threat were directed toward pro-latino activists in Georgia who had the nerve to protest these damn t-shirts. That's how upside down this stuff is. I'll say this again to my westside homeys - we have more in common than not and this westside / southside friction is non-productive. Rolling the hoopty down the ave just yesterday, I caught a bumper sticker that said, 'Keep Working Hard! There's a whole lot of immigrants who need their taxes paid'. Y'all know it wasn't referring to Canadian immigrants.

Now I'm not kicking anyone out of the One World / One Race / One Love boat but there's still a lot of work to do and there's strength in numbers. There's nothing innocent about a northside homey stackin' paper from a T-shirt linking a southside homey to a monkey. Don't let the Smooth Barack 'Good Times Express' fool you into a false sense of security. Be happy, be proud, but be alert. Those warnings your grandparents offered about where to be and not to be, what to say and not say to be safe? They're still valid, y'all.

We've all heard that there's nothing more dangerous than a cornered animal. Well ol Ty holds that if this thing plays out and it looks like Smooth is headed to the Oval Office, there's gonna be a harder edge to a whole lot of unappreciative people who don't plan to or don't want to move forward. It'll be a new day, but I guarantee the old day won't go gentle into that good night. Keep your guard up.

In the meantime, for you folks who 'don't plan to or don't want to move forward', may ol Ty suggest a little light reading on the subject?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty's Vegas Update: Told you so

Wassup, Y'all!

Regular readers of The Urban Eye should remember an excellent post I wrote titled, 'The Power of The Pole...'. It documented my exploits tryin' to get into a Vegas nightclub (Jet at the Mirage) and the little shadow economy goin' on between wannabe VIPs who want quick access into a club and the doormen who control the velvet rope. Just based on my contribution and the others I saw flowin' toward Jet's doorman, I estimated that ol boy cleared about a grand of tax free money that night.

Well, it appears that not only was ol Ty doin' some under estimatin' of Vegas doormen's lucrative cash take but so was Gangster Sam's accounting firm the Internal Revenue Service. A recent column by Norm Clarke at ReviewJournal.com points out a recent raid at the hyper-popular Pure nightclub in Vegas by the IRS who are lookin' into allegations that many doormen at the Vegas nightclubs are clockin' more chedda a year than the President. That would be $400,000 to you and me. So although Norm, who began his column with 'A lot of people saw it coming', all he really had to say way, 'Just like Ty told you'...

According to Norm, 'Sources have been telling me that doormen at several clubs are clearing $8,000 to $10,000 a night before they share tips. So much cash is pouring in that some doormen are making $400,000 to $500,000 a year, several nightclub executives told me.'

Now don't you feel silly, y'all? You could have skipped high school *and* college, med school *and law school, slept in all day, played video games, never bothered to study for any test, decided not to sell [your drug of choice here] risking life and limb and demanding that you sleep with one eye open for John Law or the Big Payback. You could have met hundreds of hot women willin' to do whatever and only had to fill out a 1040 EZ form every year. Who knew that all that could be possible just by being a doorman at a Vegas nightclub?

Every year when I was helpin' mama fill out her 1040, I always wondered what the deal was with my other homeys who worked in cash based businesses. Did they always do the right thing and claim all of their income? Would you? If the temptation is there to cheat on your taxes when you have a job with verifiable income - it's got to be almost impossible not to with a gig with *no* verifiable income. $4K-$8K - a night! Cash.

I expect now that Gangster Sam has booked a high roller suite in Vegas and plans to stay for a while, nightclub doormen throughout the city are gettin' a whole lot less sleep than they used to. I also expect that today, a nation full of homeys turned away from hot nightclubs all up and down The Strip by haughty a$$ doormen - an indignity magnified if you're with your girl - are whistling all the way to work and givin' up a double chest tap to that great mythical equalizer called Karma.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Mario Van Peebles bring New Jack to Pine Valley

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, look who's easin' up the ave to ABC soap All My Children's Pine Valley. When I first caught this news I'm like 'Dang - a soap!? What happened to ol boy's career?' But then I was reminded of a comment by Ms. Go over at D.C.Girl@TheMovies on my post crackin' on Cuba Gooding Jr.'s weak role selections. Ol girl said simply that 'Cuba's got a mortgage to pay!'. I guess the same holds true for MVP. Wonder if he'll end up mackin' Erica Kane? Still, bringin' his New Jack vibe to a soap opera feels like a setback, but a quick look at his upcoming movie projects on IMDB reveals that there aren't big thangs poppin' on his movie docket either...

He's got a joint in post production for 2008 called 'Multiple Sarcasms' - "A quirky relationship drama about a middle aged, successful architect who goes through a mid-life crisis and becomes a playwright". Hmmm, sounds like that joint should earn about $1.25 domestically and $0.30 internationally. The only other thing in the pipeline is a self written ,2009 pre-production joint called 'The Uniter' - "A fugitive escapes from the future back to the present day in order to teach a young kind how to use his innate abilities to bring the world together before global war tears it apart". Zzzzzzzz. So I estimate his total movie earnings over the next two years to be about $5.35...before taxes.

Suddenly playin' 'Samuel Woods, a U.S. District Attorney who is running for the Senate' in Pine Valley doesn't look so bad. Wonder if smooth poppa Melvin thinks this Pine Valley move will be as baaadaaaasss as Mario?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Wesley Snipes to IRS: Don't Hate

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, when is that fool gonna quit? If y'all aren't up to speed on Daywalker Wesley Snipes issues with Gangster Sam, check my October and November posts on it. Now, homey is finally back in country and out of the crypt complaining that the real reason the IRS is on his case is because he's black. Dummy! Even my niece Lollipop knows the *only* color Gangster Sam cares about is Benjamin GREEN...

I've said it million times, y'all. We need to stop cryin' wolf on the race thing every time we get in some trouble we brought on ourselves. You know what Gangster Sam is hatin' on Wesley? How 'bout the fact you didn't file a return for six years? Or maybe when you did decide to pay your taxes you tried to pay with $14 million in bogus checks? Or perhaps tryin' to skip out on $12 million in taxes by filing false refund claims?

I know, I know. You didn't know a thing about it since your accountant was doing it for you, but as I said before, I'm pretty sure you do have to SIGN YOUR OWN RETURN no matter who does it for you. Pretty simple just to read that bad boy, first.

Dude, here's Ty's simple motto when it comes to things like this:

'Own up. Pay up. Shut up.'

It's not quite Veni, vidi, vici but that's how we roll in Chicago...except for R. Kelly...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Cali Wildfires no help to Sinbad

Wassup, Y'all!

Talk about some bad luck! Wildfires are burning all over Cali - those joints even have the San Diego Chargers on the run - burning everything in sight, everything that is except for the California tax records. Things have gotten so bad with Cali tax collections that the state has taken to 'shaming' state tax cheats by publicizing who's been tight with their payments. It came as no surprise that OJ and Whitney's cousin Dionne Warwick made the list, but ol Ty had to pause for the cause when his boy Sinbad's name turned up...

Now y'all know how I feel about tax cheats! I've posted more than a few times on Wesley's and Ronnie's issues and I ain't feelin' neither one of those brothers. I may live in my mama's basement but I still pay my damn taxes. It's like those homeboys are stealin' out my mama's social security check (which helps pay for my internet access so indirectly it's like stealin' from ol Ty! Wesley! Ronnie! Y'all two are *still* some triflin' azzes!)

But I actually like Sinbad. Ever since ol boy was kickin' it on 'A Different World' and I saw his profanity free comedy concert. Y'all know me and profanity - you have to be creative in the rap and comedy game to go without and I appreciate all my creative homeys who go that extra mile. And don't get me started on those dope, now defunct, annual Soul Music Festivals (check that classic link with a glossy of Halle and Eric Benet. Man - where it all go so wrong...). You can't tell me that with all that money flowing through all those festivals, that Sinbad couldn't put enough away so he wouldn't have to be dodging the tax man!

Granted he's tippin out on a state tax bill (which already makes him smarter than Wesley or Ronnie who foolishly tried to steal from Gangster Sam), but still - $2.1 million dating back to 1999? That smells foul, y'all. That's comin out of somebody's mama's assistance check! Money she'll probably need to rebuild her burnt down house. All so Sinbad could buy a few more rounds of Grey Goose Martini's for some Caribbean island shortys? Dude - if your personality's not enough to get a shorty to consider doing the grown up with you - take it from ol Ty - keep on walkin!

So I'm a little bummed tonight y'all. A brother is conflicted over this one. I prefer to remember Sinbad as he once was and chalk this tax nonsense up to his alter ego David Adkins. Now David Adkins just sounds like a tax cheat, doesn't he?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Mr. Biggs Warming up a bunk for Wesley

Wassup, Y'all!

What is it with southside homeys and taxes? I've posted again and again about how Uncle Sam is the biggest gangster running the streets yet homeys continue to flex on him and continue to get pimp slapped. The newest homey down in the gutter (figuratively since they can't yet locate his a$$) rubbing his jaw and trying to clear the cobwebs is none other than Wesley Snipes - the daywalking, half vampire from the Blade movie trilogy. Now some of you shortys out there may feel that it's poetic justice that Wesley end up on the business end of Gangster Sam's 'Bit#ch, where's my money?' pimp slap since it's been widely rumored that it was Wesley that delivered a similar slap to Halle Berry, causing hearing loss in her right ear. Halle later admitted an ex-lover cold-cocked her but never put a name to the felon. If it was our boy Wesley, well that bad karma finally came back home to roost...

Now y'all remember the financial shenanigans that Ronnie 'Mr. Biggs' Isely perpetrated to get his pimp suit exchanged for prison blues, but from the sound of it, Wesley and his accountant(s) took stealing from Gangster Sam to a whole new level. To wit:

* 8 counts of tax fraud accusing him of trying to cheat Gangster Sam out of $12 million by filing false refund claims

* Failed to file tax returns for *six* years

* Attempting to pay for some taxes with $14 million in bogus checks

You know Gangster Sam is steaming and currently riding all around America in his pimped out Impala with the sweet hydraulics looking for Wesley's 'To Wong Foo' a$$. Once he finds him, Wesley will very likely be doing a bid - possibly one as long as 16 years. If that happens, you won't see him in Blade IV until he's 60 and needs a little Poligrip to hold in those fangs. Dang.

Now ol Ty is so scared of Gangster Sam that if I found a lost $1 at the bus station, I'm claiming it as income on my 1040 so I have to admit I'm impressed with a brother who can claim $12 million in bogus refunds *and* not file for any taxes for *six* years. In the latter case, it's easy to blame your accountants but the problem is that you still have to sign your form every year so I think that after Year Three, he'd be wondering 'Hmmm, I haven't signed a tax form in a couple years now...I wonder if that's normal. Maybe I should check...'

But not Wesley - he must have thought he was half vampire for real and could disappear whenever he wanted (though I guess that applies until he shows up). If I were Gangster Sam, I'd gas up the Soul Plane and head to South Africa since it turns out that in 2005 South African officials refused to admit Wesley after '... he tried to enter the country with a forged passport'. I'm assuming he's worked that out and now has a better counterfeit joint. Probably hanging out in the same joint Dave Chappelle was when that boy temporarily lost his mind.

Regardless - you know Gangster Sam will track him down and when all's said and done, Wesley will be able to confirm that White Men Can Jump up on his top bunk to get a tossed salad. If I were Halle, I'd get a picture of a Wendy's Salad, mount it on a postcard and write:

"Dear Wesley: Just wanted to send you a reminder of what you'll be serving up for the next few years. Enjoy! Your Friend Always - Halle".

But that's just me...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Mr. Biggs Catches a Real Case...

Wassup, Y'all!

(*My fault on the lack of glossys this morning - technical issues, y'all!*)

Back in November, regular readers here in the Malone Zone will remember I dropped a little knowledge about Ronald Isley's trial for tax evasion and the subsequent guilty verdict. My take was that Ronnie had taken his character persona 'Mr. Biggs' a little too far and apparently U.S. District Judge Dean Pregerson was seeing it my way, y'all, cuz he dropped the hammer on RI to the tune of a 3 year bid (could have been worse as *26* years was on the table...) and orders to repay the IRS $3.1 million in back taxes. Daaaaang - $3.1 mil!! Did ol boy *ever* pay any taxes? Talk about catchin' a case...

Now ease up, y'all. I'm just playin', but it's not like Ronnie's 65 year-old butt is even in prision shape. You at least need to have some moves to dodge Tossed Salad Man so the fact that RI's still recovering from stroke complications and kidney cancer make it even tougher. Don't get it twisted, I am a *little* sympathetic to his *jacked up* situation, but I mean ol boy did enjoy a pretty cushy lifestyle...one he could still be enjoying if he had had the sense his mama gave him to break off a piece for the *real* Tony Soprano Uncle Sam. In fact what's even sadder, since ol boy is 65 he could have been gettin' a little *extra* grip from Big Uncle. Straight up, y'all. I don't know how people think *that* chicken won't come home to roost? Man, I know everybody has a simple math error or two on their forms (which is why mama fills my joints out), but I'd have to back the judge on this one when it came out in court that RI didn't even *file* returns for four years (1997-2001). Seems to me that's the kind of ruckus that might get flagged at the regional IRS office.... That's like walking into the IRS office, dropping your draws, and tellin' the auditors to kiss your black a$$ - pretty poor form, if you ask me.

Of course now one has to wonder how all this is effecting Ronnie's recent bride, Kandy Johnson, (Gold Digger alert! Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke...) a shorty 35 years Mr. Biggs junior. They've only been hitched since last September and I'm thinking that along with the IRS, there were a few other folks who made their wedding a 'fairy tale' that got some of that Christmas coal Ronnie's been handing out. That list likely includes:

- The Beverly Hills Hotel - scene of the garden wedding ceremony
- Harry Winston - provider of the 14-carat white diamond wedding ring (in a platinum setting) and $3 million diamond wreath necklace with matching earrings *and* matching wedding bands
- Jazz great George Duke - reception entertainment
- Kiiiiiiid Capri - reception DJ (member homeboy from Def Comedy Jam??)
- Designer Arming, owner of R-Mine Bridal Couture - $15 K custom gown featuring ivory silk duchess satin w/ 1,500+ hand beaded Swarovski crystals, a sweetheart neckline and a dropped waist ball-gown skirt with bustles cascading down to a cathedral-length train
- Designer Bijan - custom-made tuxedo
- Ol boy's travel agent - whirlwind two-week honeymoon in the south of France
- South of France

I also imagine his daily fare is going to be a little less sparse than the crab cakes, shrimp, lamb chops and sushi appetizers, steak, chicken and baked salmon entrees along with spinach salad with walnuts and sliced pears (although salads with nuts are likely to be plentiful...)

My boy DLT thinks this is all bad karma returning to Mr. Biggs for his drop kicking of Ahn-gela Winbush for Kandy girl. Could well be...So there it is, y'all. Ronnie Isley perpetrating like Al Capone ends up just like Big Al - doing a bid in the big house on the same damn charges - tax evasion. That's what we literary types refer to as 'irony'. But all's not dark and gloomy, y'all. There is a ray of sunshine peepin' through the clouds. Isley and R. Kelly will be able to continue their collaborations just as soon as Kells' trial is wrapped up (assuming it ever starts). With Tossed Salad Man on the prowl, that situation would give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Chocolate Factory'....

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Mr. Biggs Does it up Capone Style

Wassup, Y'all!

You know, there's a thin line between fact and fantasy. Nowhere is this more clearly illustrated than in Hollywood. You've got Russell Crowe playing a Roman Gladiator, Denzel Washington playing a corrupt LA police officer, Will Smith playing Muhammad Ali, Jamie Foxx playing Ray Charles, Halle Berry playing Cat Woman (Daaaaaaaamn!) blah, blah, blah, but I'm pretty damn sure none of those Hollywood luminaries ever took the next step - Russell jumping in an amphitheater full of live tigers, Denzel taking his saddity butt to East Los and mixing it up with the west side vatos, Will stepping in the ring with Evander Holyfield, Jamie playing the pian...okay skip that one, or Halle climbing the walls in an outfit featuring diamond-encrusted fingernails. That's because most folks have common sense and then there's our boy Ronald Isley aka Mr. Biggs...

Now for those of you without cable who consistently miss the video rotation on BET's 106 & Park, allow me a moment to drop some actual factuals on you and bring you up to speed. A while back, old skool Ronald Isley's butt figured out a way to ease his behind back into the mainstream by teaming up with R. Kelly and creating a video persona known as 'Mr. Biggs' - a fine dressing, no nonsense gangster/player who runs his crib with an iron fist and keeps his women on a tight lease. Think an older version of Deion Sanders but with better suits and a badder disposition. Now I'm all for being innovative and jumpstarting a career slipping down the downside, but if your goal is to sock away some loot to help you through the lean retirement years, a good approach is to 1) create a tripped out persona, 2) make your chedda *and* 3) pay your damn taxes! It seems Ronald forgot Rule #3 and pulled a patented Mr. Biggs move by trying to jack Old Uncle Sam. Dang Ronald - even old Tyrone knows Uncle Sam is the biggest gangster out there - he always gets his money.

Now it looks like Mr. Biggs might be headed for a nice little Alcatraz bid like old skool Al Capone and I saw it coming from way back, y'all. Ronald was a bit too into that Mr. Biggs role - kicking the rolly bling, puffin' those fat Cohibas and fiddling with those walnut size finger rings. Seems to me he caught one too many episodes of 'The Sopranos' or Harlem Nights. Now instead of telling his cheating girl to get out the crib before he 'catches a case', the only case he'll be catching is his own inside federal court. Ouch - that hurts. No, I take that back, y'all. What's really gonna hurt Mr. Biggs when sentencing rolls around is the fact that R. Kelly will be his only character witness...damn - now that *really* hurts...

P.S. Tap that link, y'all and get a peep at what Mr. Peabody is up to - more to the point check out the mini review of the new 'Boondocks' cartoon on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup (y'all know how much old Tyrone loves The Boondocks) - that joint is funny and in-your-face and Episode 2 did a take on a possible outcome of R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial - done up the way only Aaron McGruder can.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone