Wednesday, August 03, 2005

But Honey - It's just acting...

Wassup, Y'all!

Okay, maybe I was a bit premature just handing the title over to Angelina Jolie after peeping this glossy of Jennifer Aniston. The only thing we know for sure is that Brad Pitt had his bases covered. How lucky is *that* north side mack daddy, y'all? Seems Jen's heart to heart with Vanity Fair clued folks into a conclusion we'd come to looong ago - that Angie pulled Brad during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I'm not here to point fingers, y'all. It's my job to get to the actual factuals and the one I stand behind is this - when your hollywood boo comes home to announce a juicy part opposite a hot actor/actress, your butt needs to be worried because that weak a$$ line about those hot love scenes just being "acting" is just that - a weak a$$ line....

Come on now - human nature is human nature, y'all. You can't tell me that after spending long months on a movie set with a hot actress pretending to be a hot couple in every way imaginable that you can be disciplined enough to separate the fantasy from the reality. B-Pitt fell into the trap, just like Tom Cruise and Nichole Kidman (Days of Thunder), Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck (Daredevil) and countless others. Get a clue Hollywood!

Charlie says it's over, b#tch! Dang, say it ain't so. USA Today is reporting that the day of the Chappelle Show is over (at least according to Charlie Murphy - Eddie Murphy's big brother). First, those two dudes look like brothers so those rumors about Eddie being the milk man's boy are clearly bogus. Second, how whack is this news if it's true? Dizzy Dave must really have some issues to turn his back on the tall cheddar Comedy Central was offering for a third season (plus additional huge DVD money!). Could it be the brother developed a social conscience after rolling out tripped out characters like the Nig*er Pixie? Could be. The Drop Squad could have yoked him - who knows? Hopefully the brother will be back on the scene at some point in a new vehicle. He's still got a lot to offer. What trips me out is that Charlie credits the Chappelle Show for 'making him famous'. Dang - what's Eddie been doing for him? That's tight, Eddie! Can't even hook your own brother up!!

Finally, tho it pains me to *ever* drop a glossy like this in the Malone Zone, I do so to prove a point. You shortys who are now up on your laptop screens licking the glossy on the right, no doubt recognize your boy D'Angelo who really hasn't been seen since he dropped his last album and video, where he showed up croonin' pretty much butt a$$ naked. I've rarely seen a shorty reaction like it before or since (outside of LL Cool J coming out his shirt) - they were going crrrrazzy, y'all. Oh D'Angelo - those abs, those hips - girl, I could sop him up with a biscuit! I ain't lying, y'all. I really did hear that last one from the beauty shop side of the barber shop one day when I was getting my Steve Harvey line. But I'm shallow, y'all - a player hater from waaay back so I can't say I was too hurt to see how old D'Angelo is looking now (the link will bring you over to the 2 Guys 2 Cities site for the unveiling...). It's almost like pulling up to the crib with a straight 10 on the Shorty Damn Meter then she gets undressed in the dark and tells you not to turn the lights on. But you can't resist, flick those joints on and scream in horror now that the wonder bra, wonder girdle, wonder wig, wonder eyelashes, wonder contacts and wonder makeup are gone. D'Angelo clearly wasn't making enough money to keep up his Creatine and steroid payments. Seems he only has just enough for ten dozen doughnuts a day. If you listen real quietly, you can almost hear the groupies screaming...



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