Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Condi Finally Realizes She's From The Southside

Wassup, Y'all!

Better late than never I always say. Black folk (aka southsiders) are notorious for two things 1) forgetting where they came from once they become successful and 2) calling out our more successful brothers and sisters for forgetting where they came from once they get successful. The poster children for behavior #1 are Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and southside turncoat Ward Connerly. Of course there are many, many others but these two brothers epitomize the trend so well, I plan to update their Wikipedia entries to include a reference to famous Revolutionary War traitor Benedict Arnold...

Now Condoleeza Rice (Condi-Girl) (seen above at her recent southside re-induction ceremony) is a bit of an enigma here. When the Bush administration began its reign of terror in 2001 it was populated with two high profile southsiders, Colin Powell (Pow-Wow) and Condi-Girl. Southsiders across the country openly wondered how they could manage to sneak the Drop Squad inside the White House gates to reclaim them both but to this day, could never get that figured out. Happily, in 2004 Pow-Wow woke up in the morning screaming, 'Oh snap! I'm working for GW!' and promptly quit. Condi-Girl on the other hand, waved a fond farewell to Pow-Wow from the White House portico and promptly took his job.

Southside strategist figured the cause was lost, some even started an irresponsible whisper campaign floating the idea that Condi-Girl and GW were sleepin' together but, in the end, ol girl remained firmly entrenched in the administration. Now word reaches the basement that a little while ago, Condi-Girl was roamin' the halls of the State Department, looked up from her briefing papers and realized, 'Oh snap! I'm the only southsider here!' It may have taken seven years, but our girl has finally hit her 'aha moment'. Yes, she's gonna need a lot of reconditioning, tough love and understanding when she stumbles from the White House in January but ol Ty is happy to report that the southside cultural experts believe that she can once again become a welcomed and productive member of the southside nation. Which is cool since ol Ty has always kinda had a thing for Condi-Girl.

Now on the flip side, a lot of my southside homeys and homettes have been exhibiting a ton of behavior #2 on my boy Smooth Barack, claiming among other things that homey 'isn't black enough'. Let me put that foolishness to bed once and for all. First, Smooth passes the 'One Drop' test with flying colors. Second, and most importantly, since this provides incontrovertible proof that Smooth is a southsider, he went on public record stating that he never would have nominated Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court. There. Quit hatin', y'all.



No comments: