Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Yo Martin, Let me hold a Dollar

Wassup, Y'all!

Dang - isn't any holiday worthy enough to be designated a no sale holiday? Come on now! Martin Luther King Weekend sales? The only things that need to be for sale during Marty Mart's holiday are books on non violence and racial tolerance. Chances are the libraries will be closed but you can be sure the furniture stores will be reelin' 'em in, y'all. Man, there's just no stoppin' the influence of the almighty dollar....

Hey, remember those groups like The Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, 98 Degrees, LTFO and O-Town? What happened to those joints? It's like they got wiped out like the dinosaurs...or Disco. On the South Side, remember the days of Boys II Men, B2K, New Edition (okay - that crew is back wheezing through their P-Diddy produced videos...). Looks like the comet hit them too. Man, you got to feel a little bit for that O-Town crew though. They make it all the way through that Making The Band nonsense to actually make the band just in time to discover that Boy Bands are played out. That's what you call an ironic twist, y'all. On the South Side it's also referred to as ALL JACKED UP! Speaking of O-Town, I peeped their original svengali producer Lou Perlman on the streets of New York a while back - here's a glossy in case you think I'm name droppin'. As you can see, as big as Lou is he's not to hard to peep.

Big Poppa Lou

I'd be remiss if I failed to comment on Cleveland Browns QB Jeff Garcia and the women in his life. Just like Flavor Flav, Jeff's kinda got a mug like a blocked punt yet, he's got two hot shorties fighting over him - one a Playmate of the Year no less. I say again for effect - there's no stoppin the influence of the almighty dollar... It turns out his new girl - Playboy Playmate Carmella DeCesare karate-kicked his old girl Kristen Hine in a nightclub appropriately dubbed Tramp. See, South Side sisters just go with the basic Drop Kick when they throw down. North Side girls get all sophisticated and get with the eastern influenced Karate or Tai Chi kicking. It's like that yoga craze y'all...or Pilates. It's a fad, they'll be back to Tai Bo'ing each other in a few. Jeff's in court comment on the whole sordid affair was the following:

"It's embarrassing that I am here today, to be caught up in a situation like this." - J. Garcia 2nd Luckiest Man Alive (see my January 5th column to find out who the Luckiest Man Alive is)

Let's go to the glossy and see what the fuss is about...

Karate-Kickin' Carmella

Another Girl Gone Wild, y'all. Let me get this straight. This woman, karate-kicked another woman because they both tried to talk to the same guy at the same time...and that guy is Jeff Garcia...and Jeff's got a mug like a blocked punt...just when you think you have women all figured out...

I'm off to ponder this for a spell, y'all. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.



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