Sunday, June 05, 2005

A Legend Rises in the Homeboy Nation!

Wassup, Y'all!

Players in the Homeboy Nation (also known as the male demographic) spend *a lot* of time talking to each other about how they can successfully creep with another woman while continuing to kick it with their main woman. Invariably, when a homeboy slips up and leaves an incriminating clue which leads to the ugly 'confrontation', Player Handbook Rule #2 clearly states "No matter how incriminating the evidence, don't admit the crime". Shaggy successfully put this rule to music in his hit 'It Wasn't Me' (though his boy did get caught dead to rights 'butt naked banging on the bathroom floor'). Back in March in my Basic Instinct post, I tried to give homeboys another handy escape hatch by appealing to basic science. Now comes the John Legend tune Number One (featuring Donte's boy Kanye West) with a completely novel approach that I call "embracing your doggish-ness"...

Okay, we can't speak intelligently on this without a quick peep at the first verse lyrics so here y'all go:

Number One - John Legend (feat. Kanye West)

Ooh I promise not to do it again
I promise not to do it

You can't say I don't love you
Just because I cheat on you
Cuz you can't see all I do
To keep you from knowing the things I do
Like erase my phone
And keep it out of town
I keep it strapped up when I sleep around
Well I should have known one day you'd find out
But you can't go and leave me now

You know that I love you
There's no one above you
I said it the last time
But this is the last time
Don't make me over
Cuz I can be faithful
Baby you're my number one
You're my number one

I heard this on the radio the other day and cracked the hell up! Here's a brother who's laying it *all* out for his girl - basically telling her how much she should be greatful that he's tipping out on her the right way, reverently, respectfully, and that she should feel honored because she's still his number one. Man - it's like those Guinness ads - BRILLIANT! Hence, the reason I'm bestowing the Superfly-Pimp Daddy Order of Merit on Supreme Player of the Realm John Legend on behalf of a greatful Homeboy Nation. Fellas, it's time to be a man, cop to it and let her know that of all the women you've been cheating on her with - she's still your number one girl!

The envitable beat down that will deservedly follow this pronouncement will be well worth it as Tom Cruise amply demonstrated the heinous behavior that can ensue (on national television no less) when you get too wrapped up in one woman and forget Player Handbook Rule #1 - "No matter your feelings for your girl, *alway* be smooth and play it cool".

The Object Of Tom's Affection
Dawson Handled it - What's Up With You?

Tom - if you're reading this - your Player Card has been hereby suspended for 180 days and you're required to begin your Player Reorientation Session immediately. We've assigned you 3rd Degree Player Master Eric Benet as your session mentor - do not fail us again or we will be forced to turn you over to the Homegirl Nation for transgendering...



No comments: