Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Basic Instinct

Wassup, Y'all!

After nearly getting a South Side beat down by a mother goose who was laying low in the vacinity of her nest (which I inadvertently walked by) I left the scene of the mugging thinking that this 'maternal instinct' thing is some strong mojo. As my mind tends to work, I started thinking how this phenomenon could benefit my homeboys and I believe, with an assist from Jack Nicholson, that I've proven the theory that will provide them with 'Plausible Deniability' the next time they get caught tipping out on their girls...

Here's my theory. We all know the maternal instinct - the hardwired, shorty behavior to protect their children at all costs - is pretty much universally acknowledged. Everybody likes it, everybody feels good about because it's a good thing. So this establishes the fact that humans retain instinctual behavior. Clearly shortys can't be the only ones with instinctual behaviors so the question is: what instinctual behavior(s) do homeboys have? When Jack Nicholson was asked why he dates younger woman, he said that men have a natural tendency to seek out women who have a better chance of procreating (gotta love Jack, jack). The idea here is that younger women are more fertile - which is technically true.

Okay - so here's the money moment, y'all. In nature, just as a mother goose kicks off her shoes and gets ready to throw down when you get near her nest, a male lion will sleep with a bunch of lionesses to improve his chances of procreating. The idea here is not to put all your eggs in one basket. So who's to say that this instinctual behavior isn't one that's hardwired into the brains of the homeboy nation *and* that it's unavoidable consequence (it's hard to fight instinct, y'all) is that homeboys have to spread their love around with Angela (Basset) and Nichole (Ari Parker) and Sanaa (Lathan) and Vanessa (Williams) and Tyra (Banks) and Rosario (Dawson) and...we'll you get the picture. So homeboys the next time you get caught "butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor", instead of taking Shaggy's advice and saying 'it wasn't me' (dude - she's standing *right* there - how you gonna play like it's not you??) - take the scientific approach and calmly tell your girl that it's a matter of basic instinct and that you were compelled to tap that a**.

The King of The Jungle
Gettin' His Swerve On



Disclaimer: Tyrone Malone, his blog, his mama and/or any entity living or dead that is even remotely associated with Tyrone Malone shall be held harmless and lawsuit free in the event any bodily harm (including mutilations, decapitations, drive bys, burns from hot grease/grits and just straight, foul cold blooded murder) befalls you by trying to run this ploy on your girl. Personal results may vary.

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