Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Why you little Mother Tucker!

Wassup, Y'all!

Man - if you're looking to get hit by lightening, just stand next to me y'all cuz lately *everything* I've been grooving on has gotten jacked up in one way or another. Dizzy Dave Chappelle (who I'm happy to report is at least back from his South African crack bender "spirtual journey" and is no doubt diggin' the news that his Chappelle's Show Season 2 DVD raked in $35 million in just 7 days making it the fastest selling TV DVD in history...) - still light years away from the studio, Kevin Hill - canceled, The Contender - canceled, Eyes - canceled, Tyra Banks - still not taking my calls. Now word finds its way to the Malone Zone that my boy Chris Tucker (who seems to be taking the Stevie Wonder eight-years-between-projects approach to making movies) has squashed reprising his role as Detective James Carter in Rush Hour 3! Man - what's a brother got to do to get some comedy love?...

Y'all may remember that I posted waaay back in August of last year, wondering where the hell Chris was and what was taking him so long to drop a new flick. Now I see what the hold up is. Old boy is doing too much damn partying, y'all. I peeped that fool at the Oprah Legends shindig, Naomi Campbell's birthday bash at the Cannes Film Festival and taking the witness stand at the Michael Jackson trial. Chris - come on now! How's any of that tom foolerly helping out your fans, homey? Now, you're leaving $20 million of Rush Hour 3 money on the table? Uh, can I have it?

I guess I'll have to keep turning to DVDs to get my laugh on from you and Dizzy Dave. I had to laugh when I heard Chris was going to be a witness for the defense at the Michael Jackson trial. It's a trip they're even friends after some of the routines CT pulled on Russell Simmon's Def Comedy Jam. The one I *still* laugh at is where he's playing Michael Jackson as a pimp and Michael's rolling with Tito down the avenue checking to make sure his ho's are handling their business. He scrunches down in the passenger seat as he looks out the window and says (in his best Michael falsetto),

"Slow down, Tito (Tito keeps rolling) Slow down, Tito - damn! Is that my ho over there? Yeah, that's her - pull over, Tito. (calling out the window) Come here, girl! I said, come here, girl! You got my money?"

That joint cracks me up. Since popping on the scene in House Party 3 in 1994, CT has been coasting, dropping just nine movies since and just one since 2000. Yet somehow homey *still* gets an invite to Oprah's party!! Chris, where's the justice? Better yet, where are the movies? Dude, if you aren't going to do Rush Hour 3, do *something*! The people are jonesing for a laugh. And you know this - maaaaaan!



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