VIP done got way too crowded...

Wassup, Y'all!

Yeah, I know I'm late to the party on the Suge Knight shooting, but I had to get a new deadbolt installed on the basement door and borrow a couple Rottweilers before I laid into Suge's tired a$$, y'all - it's the only sensible thing to do since that brother's been a trouble magnet since grade school. He'd have done well to take Usher's advice and call it a night once the VIP room at the Shore Club Hotel 'done got way too crowded'. Y'all know by now that some ruckus jumped off up in VIP and someone busted a cap in Suge's leg during Kanye West's VMA party in Miami. Two things struck me about this right away - 1) Kanye knows how to throw a party, jack and 2) Chickens really do come home to roost...

In case y'all aren't hip to Suge's tomfoolery, he's the homeboy in red in the lead glossy. Suge can best be described as a trouble magnet who graduated top of a class that includes Bobby Brown, James Brown, Courtney Love, Robert Downey, Jr., Mike Tyson and George Bush. Suge's best known as the original gangster who ran Death Row records with an iron fist, had his boys dangle Vanilla Ice over a hotel balcony to get him to sign over royalties to 'Ice Ice Baby' (or so the rumor goes) and being in the driver's seat the night Tupac got his in Las Vegas. Like I said, y'all - trouble magnet. So the fact that he's still on a couple hit lists isn't surprising. I'm just a little disappointed that it caused a bit of negative blowback on Kanye since his new CD Late Registration dropped today. Hit that link, y'all for a tight 2 Guys review.

All that gangster ruckus also did our boy Donkey (Eddie Murphy) a solid as it redirected attention away from his dirty during the VMAs on the other side of Miami. It seems our recently single boy was dippin' and dodgin' with none other than the comeback kid Mariah Carey. According to the Daily News Front Page, Donkey and Mimi dipped over to the Hotel Setai at 3:30 in the morning. Now excuse me for extrapolating the actual factuals but a brother has got to be thinking that there's a little bit more going on up in the Hotel Setai's Bone Room El Presidente Suite than singing lessons. You have to know that Mimi probably hit a few of those signature high notes behind the 'Do Not Disturb' sign and later that morning, Donkey probably made waffles, y'all. But I ain't hating. Coincidently, Mimi is also now being featured on 2 Guys as a Dimespot. Tight glossys ensue...

Word is Donkey was also chilling earlier in the evening with cut buddies Quincy Jones, Ice-T and T's jaw dropping shorty Coco. Now my boy Front Row Freddie first hipped me to Coco by dropping a few choice glossys on the wire. The first set fried my laptop monitor - the poor thing just could take it.
A few years before Ice-T hooked up with Coco, I peeped him at the Mirage Hotel/Casino in Vegas with his old girl who was also rocking a 13 on the 10 scale Shorty Damn Meter. I saw her browsing alone in the gift shop and *knew* there was no way someone that fine could just be by herself in a Vegas hotel gift shop. Five seconds later T stepped to her, I'm like I knew it! and I gave him the homeboy nod, he dropped a 'Wassup, boss?' and rolled off into the casino hard honeybunching (aka holding hands) with his girl. *sigh* I never get tired of telling that story, y'all, but now as I close this post Old Tyrone can't help but wonder what ever happened to T's old girl? I wonder if she ever thinks I wonder what happened to that smooth brother in the gift shop? Damn - timing is everything, y'all...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

It's a West Side World...

Wassup, Y'all!

Since BET was blasting wall-to-wall PR for Nick Cannon's upcoming movie Underclassman this weekend I thought I'd be remiss not to drop a glossy and some commentary on west side shorty Roselyn Sanchez (who pretty much guarantees I'll be in the audience this Friday night) and the whole west side phenomenon in general. The writing is clear, y'all - the demographics are shifting. All you have to do is pick up a magazine (no not People En Espanol) or click on the tube and you'll see wall to wall west side shortys who keep bringing it hard - Vida Guerra, J-Lo, Sofia Vergara, Julissa Bermudez, Ms. Sanchez, and the hits go on. So is it any wonder old Tyrone is dusting off his old high school Spanish workbook and getting ready to drop some ducats on salsa lessons? I think not...

Just a couple weeks ago I was flipping the radio dial in the hoopty (stop gasping, y'all...I was testing out the FM transmitter on my iPod...) and stumbled across this bumpin' new station in Chicago - 93.5 (and sister station 103.1) called La Kalle (for y'all who actually took Spanish - or have a Puerto Rican girl...friend like Donte, you'll know that La Calle means The Street...). This joint is cranking out that emerging (in the US) west side crunk called Reggaeton, which is kinda a thumping Spanish/English hip-hop mix (with copious dashes of salsa, reggae and Jamaican dancehall). All I know is my radio dial hasn't left that joint since (when the iPod's not jacked in...). I was straight tripping on how they laced Spanish lyrics over the beats and hooks of current hip-hop jams and the cool side benefit is you can crank these joints with the windows down cuz none of my English speaking homeys (aka coworkers) understand the foul lyrics (which I assume are still foul but flow so smooth in Spanish...). It goes in sounding like "Spank my stank black a$$ be-yotch" and comes out like "Oy ye loca mami chula esta hoy manuelo - uh huh, uh huh - uh huh, uh huh". It's the perfect undercover flow, yo. Personally, I'm just vibing on how our cultures can connect - there's enough room for everybody. Can't hate on some tasty Latin spices sprinkled down on that thump-a-licious hip-hop. It's all good.

Anyway, getting back to Roselyn - how was it that I missed her very slick banana trick in Cuba Gooding Jr.s box office smash hit Boat Trip? Oh that's right... Hopefully, Underclassman fares better than that joint did. The trailer looks pretty good, though it seems to be trying to pull bits from Rush Hour 2 (namely Roselyn and the tired wise cracking south side under cover cop bit) and Bad Boys 2. We'll see. I heard in an interview that Nick Cannon is trying to shape his career in the mold of Big Willy Style (Will Smith) and that's not a bad mold to drop into given Big Willy's box office success, though somehow I think Nick's joint will gross just a bit less than $100 million - but that's just me thinking out loud, y'all...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

War is a walk in the Park...

Wassup, Y'all!

Of course, this is only true when the war being waged is on Battlestar Galactica and you're wondering why you can't be in a fox hole with sexy east side shorty Grace Park. My boy DLT turned me on to this latest incarnation of Battlestar Galactica and at first I'm all like - Man, that joint was *whack* back in the day with Lorne Greene's tired a$$ and pilots named Apollo and Starbuck. But watching a couple episodes of this new joint shut me up quick, y'all. They still have pilots named Apollo and Starbuck (but this Starbuck is a shorty) but this joint is clearly not your grandmama's Battlestar Galactica and you realize that about the millisecond my boy Edward James Olmos steps on the set and you shout "Oh snap! Cold a$ Lt. Castillo from Miami Vice is running the ship, jack!"...

Man, back in the day, Edward James was my boy. He killed as the craggy, low voiced, always cool lieutenant running the show on Miami Vice (shout out to my girls Trudy (Oliva Brown) and Gina (Saundra Santiago)). Man - I was fiending for those two shortys every week, y'all. Which of course brings me back to Grace Park and the new Battlestar Galactica. If you haven't peeped that joint on the SciFi Channel ('Tini Mack - dude, yet another reason to bootleg some cable man!) you better ax somebody. This joint rolls like that movie Starship Troopers but instead of bugs, the soldiers are battling Cylons (intelligent robots who can now also pass as human...). Grace plays pilot Lt. Sharon 'Boomer' Valerii and the Boomer part is what landed her a spread on Maxim Online. Man, if they had shortys in Iraq that looked like Grace instead of Lynndie England I might sign up for a tour...or not.

And speaking of war and Iraq - I'm vibing on that other war show Over There - a new FX original series about the Iraq War. I finally caught the archived pilot on TiVo (I'm like four episodes behind, y'all) and that joint caught my attention right away. The brother above plays 'Angel' a brooding brother who is one of the squad's snipers. If you want to get a feel for what the troops are going through 'over there' everyday, y'all - peep this joint and thank your lucky stars you're home safe and sound on the couch reading my blog. (Side Note: Hey, if any of you Iraq stationed troopers are peeping the blog - big ups!) The pilot featured a scene straight out of Saving Private Ryan where an American trooper shot a grenade at a charging Iraqi insurgent. The grenade embedded in his torso, then blew up leaving just his legs standing. Then those joints kept walking a few more feet then toppled over and I'm like - oh hell no they did *not* just show that on TV! That was straight foul! Like I said, y'all thank your luckys...

Anyway, if Over There is too gully for you, you *always* have the option of blasting off with the Battlestar crew and enjoying the Park...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Jamie Foxx - Utility Player

Wassup, Y'all!

Got Hiphop? is finally back from their summer hiatus and hipped me to the new issue of Time Magazine featuring neo hip-hop rapper Kanye West. I'm not sure how many times any hip-hopper has landed the cover of Time, but I'm impressed with that nonetheless, particularly since Kanye is an out-the-box brother who keeps bringing a fresh vibe to a musical genre that's getting fried, dyed and put to the side by an endless sea of unoriginal thug rappers. Now at this point, your question is - Tyrone! What the hell does that have to do with the subject of this post and that old school (but oh so accurate) glossy? Well if y'all impatience a$$es would just hold up a second, I'll tie it all together for you...

I swooped a newstand copy of Time today just to check the actual factuals and had to laugh at the changes Kanye had to go through just get a label to let him rap (his production skillz went without question). Seems young Kanye wasn't street enough and had no bullet, knife or hot grease scars to front like he was a street hustling baller. He stepped into meetings thinking that just being a talented, intellegent, innovator would put him a step above Flava Flav. Y'all know how that turned out - the brother had to get his feelings hurt a few times before Roc-A-Fella signed him to their label. Since then all the brother's done is drop a near triple platinum album (The College Dropout), get nominated for 10 Grammys and swoop 3 of those joints. In his upcoming album - Late Registration - he continues his collaboration with the multi-talented Jamie Foxx (who I've forgiven for his whack role in Stealth - no pictures, please!). Over the weekend I caught the video to Kanye's cut 'Gold digger' which features Jamie crooning the hook and sounding just like Ray Charles. He riffs on Ray's 'I Got A Woman' cut by crooning - "She take my money, when I'm in need. Yeah she's a trifling friend indeed. Oh she's a gold digger, way over town that digs on me." Two things about this - 1) the track is hot and 2) Jamie Foxx's impressions are *dead* on. Not only can the brother sing, he can lay down impressions of other singers that are pretty jaw dropping. A little while back my boy Top Cat forwarded a clip of Jamie doing a remake of the Brady Bunch Theme - I plan to profile that in my upcoming podcast but Jamie broke it down into an R&B flow, then had the nerve to break it down further in the style of Baby Face, Luther and Prince - and killed every one, y'all. If you ask me, J-Foxx wouldn't have the first problem pulling off the unheard of quadruple play of copping an Oscar, Emmy, Tony and Grammy if he wanted to. I'm actually wondering why it seemed to take so long for the brother to 'arrive'? I guess rare talents are like rare wines - they have to age a little bit to be appreciated (and steer clear of bogus films like Stealth!). Go 'head with your bad self, Jamie.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Four Brothers - Ay Mami!

Wassup, Y'all!

Finally caught John Singleton's Four Brothers at the late night show last night (sorry, y'all - Vegas pushed me off my game...) and while that joint was entertaining, I'm still waiting for John Singleton to step out of his comfort zone. He did drop some nice west side eye candy in the form of smoking Columbian shorty Sofia Vergara but there'll be no 4 Spinners for Four Brothers tonight, y'all.

Four brothers never really breaks out of the regular revenge flick mode and though Marky Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin and Garrett Hedlund have chemistry as the title quartet, it seems their racial make up was intentionally calculated to open the door to some weak Archie Bunker style crack back jokes. Drop Sofia in the mix as Tyrese's on again, off again fiery mami chula (wow - never seen a west side shorty depicted like that before...) and you've pretty much got the crack back spectrum covered. Mix in a tight old school sound track and one sleeper performance and Four Brothers manages to squeek out 2.5 Spinners (though Sofia's sultry presence *almost* tipped the scales to 3, but that would have been trifling, y'all. I'm a professional)...

I'm noticing that John Singleton is starting to fall back on a regular rotation of players in his movies (just like Spike Lee who regularly shows up along with his sister Joie and old boy Bill Nunn - and his cash cow Denzel Washington). Once again Terrance Howard and Taraji P. Henson pop up fresh from Hustle and Flow as well as Gibson (and Henson) from Baby Boy (which featured the *very* disturbing image of Ving Rhames cooking breakfast in front of a stove butt a$$ naked). I'm liking Taraji Henson more and more, y'all - even though she had a small part in this joint, I've got her pegged as a Shorty On The Rise - she knows her business on screen, but the brother that caught me by surprise in this joint was Chiwetel Ejiofor who first popped on my radar when I caught him in Dirty Pretty Things where he played a hard working African brother in England working two jobs and getting caught up in an organ selling racket being run out of the hotel he worked in. It was a shock to see homeboy African accent free playing a remorseless Detroit baller whose criminal enterprise was at the heart of the plot. That brother was cold, jack!

Four Brothers heats up at the end, y'all but the lead up seems to be a set of disconnected scenes put together to either set up those weak crack backs I mentioned or to let the brothers open up copious cans of whup a$$ around their Detroit neighborhood as they follow up clues to their mother's murder. Entertaining, a high body count and cute shortys does taste great, but ultimately this joint turned out to be less filling than expected. But to its credit, every time I started get a little restless in my seat, they either killed somebody or popped Sofia back on the screen so my attention didn't wander much. Did I mention she was smokin'? John Singleton's no dummy, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Nike selling butts!

Wassup, Y'all!

You know, the handy thing about having a crew of homeboys is that there's at least one that you can always count on to point you to relevant glossys floating through the Internet. In this case, that would be my boy DLT and the glossy would be the best of Nike's new ad campaign that focuses on the intrinsic value of 'non traditional' female body parts like 'Tomboy Knees' and 'Thunder Thighs'. Of course, being a south side homeboy, I tend to side with Sir Mix-A-Lot and direct the majority of my short attention span to the trunk junk sported by the south side shortys (with the west side shortys closing fast) so when I saw the glossy above with the opening 'My Butt is big', I'm like - I have *got* to drop a post on this...

Now you regular column readers know I'm more a fan of the thick than the non thick when it comes to shortys. Not too thick like those Kansas City porterhouse steaks, but more like those New York prime filets. So I'm vibing with Nike's smart move to embrace a body shape that is more the norm than the Hollywood model exception. Actually, I'm thinking somehow a woman has found her way into Nike's executive suite, y'all. How else you can explain them 'stumbling' onto this truism after so long?

Also every smart homeboy knows that the place to meet woman isn't in a smoky a$$ bar where women are smoking and drinking and generally disrespecting their temples, but at the *gym* where women are working out, getting fit and fitting their workout gear. I'll be honest, I don't care if you roll into the gym looking like early day Oprah - as long as you're up in that joint doing your thing, you've got my instant respect. I think my next stop will be around the corner from the gym at the local yoga class, y'all. Man, I've seen some video and come on, now! How can you say no to hot shortys with those cute little mats doing all that flexing? And it's legal in all 50 states, y'all!

So two snaps up to Nike for being progressive and giving credit where it's so very much due. Also, twelve snaps up to gyms all across America that continue to help churn out shortys like buff heptathlete Aja Frary. Hmmmm, looking at that glossy, I'm beginning to see how that whole Nike campaign got started. Probably was a Nike marketing homeboy fronting in the gym stretching like he was getting ready to hit the weight machine (but never did) scoping the talent then finally smacking his forehead and saying, Dang! It's been right in front of my face the *whole* time! We could build an ad campaign around this and legimately post booty shots in all our stores! Edison was right, y'all - Genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration...

Just do it.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

40 Still Not Fatal...

Wassup, Y'all!

As I was flipping through this month's Ebony magazine, I hit an article they were propping about sexy shortys over 40 and you know I had to pause and investigate since I had profiled (or at least commented) on every one of them but one - the mysterious Miss. Veronica Webb who's been dodging the cameras more efficiently than Big Foot, The Loch Ness Monster and Dave Chappelle combined. I used to see V-Webb popping up all over the magazine dial (and I believe her most recent stint was as a model for Alize liquor (a rumored worthy competitor to Hpnotiq that I've yet to sample - they even have a joint called Bleu that looks just like Hp!)) and I often wondered what happened to old girl as looks like these aren't meant to be under cover...

They rounded out the top five with my girl Jasmine Guy, Vivica Fox, Robin Givens and cutie Lela Rochon. Can't fault the choices, y'all as that's a good cross section. I'm a bit surprised Robin Givens even warrants a mention these days but I have to admit that to diss Mike Tyson on national TV and still live to be 40 years old is an impressive achievement. Still out of that crop - it's Veronica Webb who is most intriguing. It's not every day that the first south side shorty to be offered a major cosmetics firm (Revlon) contract just falls off the face of the earth, but, of course, V-Webb wasn't just another pretty face. Old girl brought the whole package to the table - beauty *and* brains, which she put to work as a writer/journalist. Truthfully I'm kinda shocked that Tyra Banks is going to beat her to punch and launch a talk show first as I always saw Veronica either pulling up to the news/sports anchor bumper or parlaying her double threat into a lucrative media empire. I mean come on, y'all - if Oprah can pull it off showing up the way she did back in the day (Oprah - if you're reading this - girl, I'm just playing...) V-Webb *sure* could have had a shot. Tell me I'm lying, y'all. That glossy is *so* far away from those O Magazine covers it ain't *even* funny. Old girl was the first Extreme Makeover...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Leaving Las Vegas...

Wassup, Y'all!

Sorry about the lackidasical posting over the past few days. Old Tyrone's been in Vegas since Thursday and I'm happy to report that the joint is still off the meter (even if it is so hot you see more Satan sightings than Elvis sightings)! Signs like that mug above get you in the right frame of mind right off the bat, y'all - and I for one appreciate the Vegas Chamber of Commerce's effort. I fell through for a high school class reunion and we did some hard a$$ hanging out and reminiscing at the Geisha Bar 'til about 4am every night (which is 6 am for a Central Time Zone brother like myself...). Even with my late night posting habits, I couldn't get the fingers to stay on the keys long enough to post when I got back up to the suite. The shortys were banging, the town was jumping and Old Ty finally got a taste of the high roller treatment as it turns out one of my classmates is a upscale restaurateur...

Old boy is living the life, y'all. He's got six LA restaurants, two in Vegas and two in Tokyo so me and a couple shortys from school ventured over to The Forum Shops (side note: that joint is a marvel to see, y'all - it's like walking through Italy - all the high end shops are there Coach, Armani, Ferragamo, yada, yada - but no Sean Jean, what's up with that?) over in the Caesars complex to check out his restaurant, Sushi Roku for lunch. It's up on the third floor next door to his other spot, a steak joint called Boa Steakhouse (man - they got some butter soft Kobe beef up in that piece y'all (they brought some over to us) so stop in if you're in Vegas). Anyway, old boy set it out for us over at Sushi Roku - we ate like some bandits on the run from the famine in Ethiopia, y'all. Food and drink was flowing and we got our 'eat, drink and be merry' on, no doubt! Of course, being a brother who always looks at the glass and sees it half empty, I was crying about missing the party that his boy had set up at the new Wynn Hotel and Casino the day before. You had to know there was some heathen level activity going on at that joint as y'all know shortys tend to follow the money... Anyway, it was a great time and I'm back at home base and should be back to my regular broadcast schedule. So if you're ever in Vegas and are jonesin' for Japanese or steak cuisine, stop by those joints and get your grub on. You won't be disappointed - that's a Malone Zone guarantee. If you happen to be shopping your screenplay in LA, go 'head and hit his other joint Katana, which is one of the most popular Japanese eateries out there. If you should happen to bump into Brad and Angelina in the spot, don't forget to let them know Old Tyrone sent you!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Everybody Hates Chris...

Wassup, Y'all!

I have to admit, y'all - based on the brief previews I've seen of Chris Rock's upcoming, biographical, UPN series 'Everybody Hates Chris' I'm thinking that joint's going to be good so I'm already slotting it for the fall TiVo rotation (especially since the networks had no problem canceling half my rotation from *last* season!). The promo running on UPN's website (link above) was part of the one I saw on TV while watching T-Boz and Chilli ask R U The Girl? You can check out a 7 minute preview of the show to savor a little more flavor if you just can't wait. In an ironic twist, while former Martin girl Gina (Tisha Campbell) heads to Cancelville with the rest of the 'My Wife and Kids' cast, her Martin girl Pam (Tichina Arnold) seems to have found the perfect role as mom to 13 year old Chris Rock...

Of course the first thing that hit me was the promo background music - Chic's Good Times and Kool & the Gang's Get Down On It. You know I had to immediately download both those joints to the iPod (in fact I swooped the the whole Very Best of Kool & the Gang CD while I was there). Man, those bad boys brought back some instant memories, y'all. Chic kept my butt on the dance floor - Good Times ran more than 8 minutes so that was a good cut to pull that reluctant shorty onto the dance floor and run down your lines. And all Kool & The Gang did was drop hits, y'all. From the synthesizer classic Summer Madness (that gets my dog Kofi barking *every time*) to Get Down On It, Celebration, Fresh, Too Hot, Jungle Boogie, Ladies Night, Cherish - y'all get the picture. So if the show kicks a soundtrack like that, I'm already half way there.

Maaa fact, this joint can slide right into the slot vacated by My Wife and Kids (though Tichina is no Tisha, Senator). Tichina is playing to her strengths (loud and sassy - hit the promo and tell me I'm lying...) but nobody hits those notes like old girl. Perfect casting if you ask me. Anyway, we'll see how it goes (and if it makes it past the first season as my picks seem to go by the nickname 'Kiss of Death'...).

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Lights dimmer in the South Side Nation...

Wassup, Y'all!

Somewhat lost in the news of ABC news anchor Peter Jennings' passing is the more significant (for the south side nation) passing of John H. Johnson, founder of Johnson Publishing Co. in Chicago (pictured here with his wife Eunice and his daughter Linda Johnson Rice), the company that publishes south side magazine staples Ebony and Jet. Personally, these magazines have shaped a lot of my experiences from my biddy bop days to the world renown that I now enjoy. Every relative in my family, as well as all my south side family and friends always had a copy of Ebony, Jet or both fanned across their coffee tables and they were always topics of fun conversations - Dang Tina's looking good!, Dang, Diane Carroll is looking good!, Dang, George Clinton's doo looks jacked up! Dang, Whitney's looking cracked out these days! Through every era of my life Ebony and Jet were there breaking down actual factuals that were relevant to my culture and social circle. They were two islands in a sea of mainstream (aka non urban) magazines for the longest and though we cracked on the quality sometimes, we never lost respect for them and honor the fond affection they have in the south side nation. All that from $500 and a dream...

The show must go on and Ebony and Jet will keep doing their thing and spurring new generations of crack backs, Dang, I can't lift this issue with Mo'nique on the cover off the coffee table!, Dang, where's Babyface been? Dang, why does Toni Braxton look like she needs a laxitive? Dang, you know that baby Holly Robinson Peete is holding don't look a thing like Rodney... We can thank John Johnson for all that in-good-fun jibber-jabber and look to his daughter Linda to keep the legacy moving and grooving.

Big ups, JJ! My undying gratitude and thanks for your vision, my brother. Rest in peace.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Grey Goosed - Ain't that a b*tch?

Wassup, Y'all!

A few of you 'on it' readers may have already peeped last week's 20/20 on ABC where they conducted an unscientific taste test of the best vodka brands out there to see if their taste measured up to their hype (and premium prices). The results were pretty eye opening so since my boy 'Tini Mack has ushered me head first into the world of martini drinking, I thought it best to share the results so we can all be more informed drinkers...

So here's the set up - Bill Ritter gathered six young New Yorkers together at the trendy Blue Fin bar on Broadway (side note: If you're ever wandering down Times Square check that joint out. It's in the W Hotel and populated with some of the smokingest city shortys I've seen - dressed to impress and drinking like fish - a combination hard to beat, y'all). The window below faces out onto Broadway so even if you don't go in you can stand on the sidewalk and gawk at the beautiful people). Each of the six was a self professed snob vodka drinker who only scarfed the best, top shelf, premium vodkas - Stoli Elite ($59/bottle), Ketel One ($29.60/bottle), Belvedere ($32/bottle), Hangar One ($35/bottle) and our hands down favorite status vodka Grey Goose ($32/bottle). Just for the homeys in the alley, ABC decided to include the bargain basement, wino mouthwash Smirnoff ($13/bottle) in the competition. Each drinker was given a small shot of each vodka neat (straight and at room temperature) and asked to rate them. Here's where it gets interesting, y'all...

After swigging and rating, 5 of the 6 rated top dog Grey Goose the worst (even a few who swore by the brand). They dropped foul comments like 'spicy', 'nasty' and 'I would never drink that'. Hmmm, all this for a brand that bills itself as the 'World's Best Tasting Vodka'? Say it ain't so!! Although there was no clear winner among those sampled, Hangar One and Belvedere both came out with favorable reviews. But wait, there's more!

They followed that taste test up with another - a mixed drink test where they mixed those same brands (including the rot gut Smirnoff) into small Cosmopolitan samples. Guess what, y'all? None of the six could tell which sample contained their top shelf brand and which contained the moonshine Smirnoff! Damn. Given that mixed drinks with top shelf vodka run $3/$4 dollars more per drink than those mixed with house vodka, seems to me the smart play is to go with the full bodied, flavorful, well balanced Smirnoff and stop frontin' with all that Grey Goose this and Grey Goose that. But that's just me...

'Tini Mack! Homeboy, I won't hold it against you if the next time I dip to the crib you've got your Grey Goose bottles topped off with Smirnoff (maaa fact, those joints probably already are!) but just recognize that if I peep the empty Smirnoff bottles in the trash that's going to effect the flow rate of singles into the tip jar, man cuz Homey don't play that! I only drink the best spicy, nasty vodka!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Donkey gets served...

Wassup, Y'all!

Damn. Wasn't I just cracking on Eddie Murphy for not hooking his brother Charlie up with more acting gigs? Guess we know why now, don't we, y'all? The brother's been preoccupied. Maaa fact you can kinda see the 'irreconcilable differences' percolating in this glossy. Anyway, as reported by both Extra (by way of Defamer.com who stole my headline - "I want half Eeedie". Man, you snooze you lose!) and USA Today, Eddie's wife Nichole Murphy has dropped papers on old boy. That bit from Eddie's Raw album remains a classic. On it, Eddie says his plan to avoid gold digging American women who marry, then divorce, then want half of everything is to marry a native African woman (riding bareback naked on a zebra) who has no idea of such things. Later on, after bringing her to American and her spending quality time with her American girls, when the topic of divorce comes up, she immediately claims in her cute African accent - "I want half, Eeedie!" Man, somehow that bit doesn't seem as funny right now... I should have known something was up with Nichole when I kept seeing her pop up in the audience of The Contender fights with no Eddie in sight. Fellas - you got to look for the clues...

Moving on to a favorite topic of mine - Tyra Banks - it looks like having one successful TV show (UPN's America's Next Top Model) and a thriving supermodel career isn't enough for our favorite Victoria's Secret angel. Beginning September 12th, Tyra will be moving into the rarified air occupied by Oprah and Dr. Phil when she launches the The Tyra Banks Show. The glossy on the right captures perfectly how Tyra will be looking on future modeling shoots as she tries to juggle it all. If you peep her show site, she has a few clips that are already getting her in 'Oprah' mode - the one about she wasn't always comfortable with her body was pretty deep - actually all the clips are pretty deep and it shows there's much more to T-Banks than meets the eye. Whichever homeboy finally steps up to that will have to come strong, jack (and have Dr. Phil's number on speed dial...). I'm gonna have to swoop some show tickets as this might be my only opportunity to dip into Tyra's atmosphere. Man, when's Free gonna come out with her talk show...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Freaky Friday - Free and Julissa Switch

Wassup, Y'all!

Caught BET's 106 & Park on Friday to check out the new hosts, lament the end of the Free era and give a grudging snap up to the rise of the Bermudez Dynasty. Clearly it doesn't matter who the male co-hosts are as I'm zonin' those busters out but just to complete the story, Tigger has swooped AJ's spot (leaving Brandy's little brother Ray-J on the outside looking in and still filling the role of BET utility player...by the way - isn't it about time to put Brandy's mug on a milk carton or something??) It's a little ironic that Friday's on 106 & Park are known as 'Freestyle' Fridays, now I guess they'll just have to be called 'Freeless' Fridays from now on. Okay - Julissa Bermudez (who I *knew* was gonna cop that co-host slot - the fix was in, y'all) is a pretty hot west side shorty (but she needs to get on that J-Lo high carb diet) and she's got the personality to mix it up with the personalities that flow through that joint and when she drops some of that Spanish jibber-jabber - Ay Mami! Anyway - so I'm at Borders looking to begin my Free withdrawal by downing a couple iced Chai Tea Lattes...with crunk juice and guess who I see peeping down from the September issue of King Magazine? If you need a hint by now, 1) get a clue and 2) peep the glossy. The Lord does work in mysterious ways, y'all...

The September issue is chock full, y'all so you need to beat feet to the book store to peep you a copy. Better yet, hook King up and *buy* a copy and stop acting like you're allergic to cash registers. Right off the bat, you see that Free's not going to hand the Premier King Cover Junk Trunk award to Mya without a fight. I'm still giving Mya a slight edge based on posture and wardrobe choice but it's clear that Free has upped the stakes and answered the bell. Ding, Ding, y'all. Ding, Ding. Make it a point to get past the cover and check out old girl's interview as she drops the following, completely out of character, quote. "I like my butt rubbed. I rub it before I go to sleep. It relaxes me and calms me down like a baby." Then two seconds later she's talking 'bout she only wears thongs... This was about the time I fainted dead away in Border's magazine aisle, y'all. Woke up with one of those magazine insert stuck to my cheek. The September joint is also part 2 of King's 'Thicka Than A Snicka' issue (so you know what else is inside waitin' on you). I have to give them props just for coming up with that tag.

Finally for my boy Front Row Freddie (aka Kendilla), he'll be happy to know super producer Jermaine Dupri is still giving props to ATL strip club champ Magic City. According to the interview, he and Nelly hit that joint whenever Nelly's in town and they roll through with 10,000 singles - a piece! That's about 19,980 less than I roll with but what I lack in dollars I make up for in charm, y'all. Still haven't figured out how to translate that into a lap dance up in VIP though...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Venus and Serena - Really?

Wassup, Y'all!

Well I've peeped two of the planned six episodes (#3's in the TiVo on deck circle) and I'm ready to jump the gun and begin drawing conclusion on this joint - y'all know how I do. You got to drop the knowledge while it's hot. Celebrities tend to be a me too crowd with everybody making sure no one else gets too far ahead of them whether it concerns bling, bite sized dogs, cell phones, rides, children's books, fashion lines, pimp juice, fragrances, and, of course, reality shows. Bobby and Whitney, Britney and Kevin, Jessica and Nick, Paris and Nichole and now our girls Venus (V-Star) and Serena (Aneres) Williams in their new joint Venus & Serena: For Real. First, you know that since this joint is covered by ABC Family it's not going to be too off the hook - damn. Second, as you watch, you realize that thirty minute peeps into their lives each week is *more* than enough and that Serena has graduated summa cum laude from Thick High and is now freshman class president at Thickity-Thick University - woooooo...

You really don't have to roll past episode #1 to see why Venus' game is back on point (a la her recent Wimbledon win) and why Serena's is not (and she stays injured). It's the typical Ant and Grasshopper story, y'all. While Venus is busting her butt working out and training, Serena is going all glam Hollywood focusing on her fashion design company - Aneres (Serena spelled backward), modeling, acting and whatever other distraction comes her way. Not to mention her little bad a$$ dog Jackie who managed to scarf an entire turkey while the girls were out - okay, that was pretty funny.

Speaking of reality duos, I'd be remiss if I didn't drop a quick note on the TLC - 1 reality show on UPN called R U The Girl. Now correct me if I'm wrong, y'all but didn't T-Boz and Chilli spend *a lot* of air time professing how there could never be a replacement for TLC rapper Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez (who died tragically in a car accident in Honduras). Might just be me but I saw a lot of tears and boo boo lips as they worked their way through the award show circuit. So I was a little surprised to see this reality show pop up. Okay, admittedly they aren't planning to relaunch TLC (at least I don't think they are). The hook to this show is that they plan to choose one girl from a series of multi-city tryouts to record a new single with them (that will appear on a reworked greatest hits album) and step to the stage with them for a live performance. If y'all didn't see this week's episode you missed a very talented young shorty named Arielle put her foot all the way in Toni Braxton's 'Unbreak My Heart'. Old girl brought it and could probably light up American Idol if she dipped that way...

Quiet as its kept, I still have to give it up for those 'keeper of the shorty honor' songs TLC kicked out with regularity. Creep, Red Light Special, No Scrubs, Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg, Baby-Baby-Baby - those girls flipped the script on a lot of lyrics and put the homeys on notice - gotta respect that. I damn near had an accident the first time I heard T-Boz croonin' Red Light Special talking 'bout "Take a good look at it, look at it now. Might be the last time you have a go 'round. I'll let you touch it if you like to go down. I'll let you go further if you take the southern route." And I'm like - damn if my girl didn't drop that jibber-jabber on me last night!
And 'No Scrubs' was just plain wrong with them talking 'bout "A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine, he's also known as a buster. Always talkin' 'bout what he wants and just sits on his broke a$$. So no I don't want your number, no I don't want to give you mine and no I don't want to meet you no where, no I don't want none of your time..." Y'all know the rest - those chicas were cold, jack. TLC was rabble rousing the shortys before Oprah dropped into gear! I like me some T-Boz though - that voice is uniquely off the hook. I'd also be remiss if I didn't toss up a respectful shout out to Left-Eye Lo. Things just aren't the same without you, homegirl. I kinda miss those mansion burnings...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

But Honey - It's just acting...

Wassup, Y'all!

Okay, maybe I was a bit premature just handing the title over to Angelina Jolie after peeping this glossy of Jennifer Aniston. The only thing we know for sure is that Brad Pitt had his bases covered. How lucky is *that* north side mack daddy, y'all? Seems Jen's heart to heart with Vanity Fair clued folks into a conclusion we'd come to looong ago - that Angie pulled Brad during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I'm not here to point fingers, y'all. It's my job to get to the actual factuals and the one I stand behind is this - when your hollywood boo comes home to announce a juicy part opposite a hot actor/actress, your butt needs to be worried because that weak a$$ line about those hot love scenes just being "acting" is just that - a weak a$$ line....

Come on now - human nature is human nature, y'all. You can't tell me that after spending long months on a movie set with a hot actress pretending to be a hot couple in every way imaginable that you can be disciplined enough to separate the fantasy from the reality. B-Pitt fell into the trap, just like Tom Cruise and Nichole Kidman (Days of Thunder), Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck (Daredevil) and countless others. Get a clue Hollywood!

Charlie says it's over, b#tch! Dang, say it ain't so. USA Today is reporting that the day of the Chappelle Show is over (at least according to Charlie Murphy - Eddie Murphy's big brother). First, those two dudes look like brothers so those rumors about Eddie being the milk man's boy are clearly bogus. Second, how whack is this news if it's true? Dizzy Dave must really have some issues to turn his back on the tall cheddar Comedy Central was offering for a third season (plus additional huge DVD money!). Could it be the brother developed a social conscience after rolling out tripped out characters like the Nig*er Pixie? Could be. The Drop Squad could have yoked him - who knows? Hopefully the brother will be back on the scene at some point in a new vehicle. He's still got a lot to offer. What trips me out is that Charlie credits the Chappelle Show for 'making him famous'. Dang - what's Eddie been doing for him? That's tight, Eddie! Can't even hook your own brother up!!

Finally, tho it pains me to *ever* drop a glossy like this in the Malone Zone, I do so to prove a point. You shortys who are now up on your laptop screens licking the glossy on the right, no doubt recognize your boy D'Angelo who really hasn't been seen since he dropped his last album and video, where he showed up croonin' pretty much butt a$$ naked. I've rarely seen a shorty reaction like it before or since (outside of LL Cool J coming out his shirt) - they were going crrrrazzy, y'all. Oh D'Angelo - those abs, those hips - girl, I could sop him up with a biscuit! I ain't lying, y'all. I really did hear that last one from the beauty shop side of the barber shop one day when I was getting my Steve Harvey line. But I'm shallow, y'all - a player hater from waaay back so I can't say I was too hurt to see how old D'Angelo is looking now (the link will bring you over to the 2 Guys 2 Cities site for the unveiling...). It's almost like pulling up to the crib with a straight 10 on the Shorty Damn Meter then she gets undressed in the dark and tells you not to turn the lights on. But you can't resist, flick those joints on and scream in horror now that the wonder bra, wonder girdle, wonder wig, wonder eyelashes, wonder contacts and wonder makeup are gone. D'Angelo clearly wasn't making enough money to keep up his Creatine and steroid payments. Seems he only has just enough for ten dozen doughnuts a day. If you listen real quietly, you can almost hear the groupies screaming...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

AJ & Free Bounce from 106 & Park?

Wassup, Y'all!

Can't say I'm surprised as, in my opinion, BET is always a path *never* a destination but I'm still kinda blown if the story is true that AJ and my girl Free are blowing BET's 106 and Park's pop stand. Got HipHop? dropped a recent post that says just that but since I haven't called Dan Rather to corroborate the actual factuals I'll hold off final judgement. Dang - and I got into the blog biz just to catch Free's eye so I could get those digits too. The good news is that I won't have to put up with AJ's weavy-weave braids anymore but I'm *sure* gonna miss Free killing every pair of pants she ever wore to the set. That south side shorty is truly blessed...with talent and personality. So if it is true, the drama builds over who the replacement(s) will be. After all the rumors of back biting and hatin' going on over at BET, my money is on a certain foine west side latina shorty (no - not J-Lo dummy)...

That's right - the one and only Julissa Bermudez (my bad on that whack glossy y'all but it seems JB is a bit camera shy when it comes to publicity glossys. If you can find a top choice joint of old girl - holler back) who BET insiders have had beefing with Free (or vice versa) from jump street. All that ruckus seemed to be unsubstantiated but I'm going to have to break off a man sized hmmmmmmmm if old girl gets the slot, but then you have to ask yourself is it still 106 and Park or a warmed over version of The Roof that JB used to host over on the west side station MUN2? As my boy 'Tini Mack is fond of saying - I ain't hatin', I'm just statin', y'all. I'll reserve judgement until I see how things shake out. In the mean time, it's time to fire up Dr. TiVo to archive a couple hours of prime Free footage. That will have to hold me until she starts dropping a few musica videos. Comprende, y'all?

I also expect the Film and Television branch of the Smithsonian to give Free a call to ask her to donate her booty to the museum. They'll have to build a new wing for it and what not, but that joint will pay for itself in less than a year. Shoot half of it will probably come straight out of my pocket...wooooooo.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone