Daaaaang! First - sorry for being MIA the last couple days, y'all. The man's had ol Ty on blast - a necessary evil since I still have to pay mama rent the first of every month.
In the meantime though, I've been following the latest Shaq/Kobe dust up with interest. The blogosphere is still buzzin' over Shaq's now infamous 'freestyle' diss rap of Kobe which inferred that Kobe can't win another ring without Shaq and that during their happier days in LA, Kobe used to toss Shaq's salad. Can there possible be a more distasteful mental image that that? The Shaq / Kobe deal has gotten messier than the Charley Sheen / Denise Richards break up (okay, maybe not that bad). The good news is that Shaq's new rap does have a catchy hook to it...
Now that the video is in wide rotation around the southside, I'm sure even the little troopers will be walkin' 'round the streets talkin' 'bout, 'Kobe - tell me how my a$$ taste!'. I'm not sayin', y'all. I'm just sayin'. If I didn't put that out there someone else would cuz everybody knows the hook of a rap is what sticks with you and Shaq dropped that one in about six or seven times so that's what I walked away with.
Clearly Shaq's still bitter about Kobe bustin' him out when he got caught up in Colorado. The fact of the matter is that ol Ty broke the news about the 'Shaq Effect' on Kobe's career back in '05 and the 'Kobe Effect' on Shaq's marriage, which is why y'all keep comin' back. Hard hittin' investigative journalism. It's too funny now that the rap community is takin' sides based on the fact that neither Shaq nor Kobe can wrap fish let alone rap rhymes. They're what the pioneer rappers used to call 'Crab Rappers' - wannabes with unoriginal skillz. How's Shaq even gonna try and put it out there that was a 'freestyle' rap? That brother ain't no Wayne Brady. Now Alphonso? That's a brother that can freestyle any concept at any time.
Of course, there is no effect with a cause and the most recent effect for Shaq's shenanigans is the revocation of both his Arizona and Virginia special deputy sheriff badges. That's a straight shame since Shaq did some good work with both of those units and has a fond affinity for law enforcement, but in the days of hyper political correctness that was pretty much to be expected. I'm expectin' Shaq to come back in a day or two with a new rap that uses that 'We don't need no stinkin' badges' phrase as his new hook.
No word of response yet from Kobe. Word is that established rappers may help him put together a response rap which is the obligatory counterpunch when the gauntlet gets thrown down in a rap beef. What we have here though is kinda like some quasi NBA, rap, school-yard, corner block beef. I'm thinkin' these two just need to hit the playground, throw some dirt in each others eyes and do that little screaming arms flailing thing that pretty shortys do when they want to fight but not get their hair or clothes messed up. I don't think the world would survive another Kobe Bryant rap effort.
Still, despite all that, y'all - we're left with an epic hook that will be uttered until the curtain closes on Kobe's NBA career. Everybody! Kobe, tell me how my a$$ taste. Kobe, tell me how...