Man - in this case that 'everyone' includes everybody silly enough to drop $7 and two hours of time to check out The Ring 2! That joint was weak y'all and I should have seen it coming during the first ten minutes when it failed to pass my Shorty Shriek Test...
Now I'm a horror movie fan from way back - in Tyrone's book there's no better way to initiate some first date contact with shy shorty than to bring them to a flick where something is jumping out of the dark every twenty seconds (Michael Jackson's home videos at Neverland notwithstanding, y'all - those joints are just creepy...). In my expert opinion The Ring (1) started the new horror movie trend cuz that joint was scary. It had it all - a mysterious video that once watched would result in a phone call warning you that you had seven days left to live, a nasty looking little girl presumed dead, drowned in a stone well, who somehow manages to crawl not only out of the well, but through your TV set into your house! Now that's entertainment, y'all.
The Shorty Shriek Test is my patented indicator of a good horror movie. If, in the first ten minutes of the movie, at least one shorty, anywhere in the theater hollers because of the action on the screen (*not* the action in the back row...) then you've got yourself a winner. The Ring Two? Not one shriek, y'all - through the whole damn movie!! That's why horror movie sequels are so hard to pull off - the surprise is gone, you can't rebottle that original, chilling concept, you can only eat yesterday's leftovers... So I can only award The Ring Two 1 Spinner, y'all - half because they showed the trailer to War Of The Worlds - Tom Cruise's upcoming summer blockbuster that's looking hot and half because Naomi Watts was in the movie...
Naomi Watts
Ok - it wasn't all suffering...
Old girl can pull me out of a well anytime...
Peace@Least,
Tyrone
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