Monday, March 28, 2005

BK 2 Obese America: Kiss My Omelet!

Wassup, Y'all!

There was a time back in the day where corporations at least profiled like they had at least a shred of social responsibility and conscientiously tried to soft pedal the notion that it wasn't all about the ducets. But in this era of full disclosure, with bold pronouncements of "oily discharges" and "four hour erections" I guess it comes as no surprise that the company designed to let you 'have it your way' is really letting you have it...

If you needed any further evidence that it really is all about the money, look no further than the heralded roll out of Burger King's new breakfast monstrosity. Maestro - the glossy if you please:

The Enormous Omelet Sandwich
The New Two Tons Of Fun

The tale of the tape:

Weight: 267 grams
Calories: 730
Calories from fat: 420
Total fat: 47 grams
Saturated fat: 17 grams
Cholesterol: 414 milligrams
Sodium: 1860 milligrams (are you kidding me!? Why not just eat salt from the shaker?)
Major Arteries blocked after eating: 4
Pounds gained by just thinking about ordering this bad boy: 12

Word on the street is that the EO Sandwich is already a multi-award winner garning such prestigious awards as the "That Don't Make No Got Damn Sense" Humanitarian Award and the "Instant Heart Attack On a Plate" Medical Citizenship Award, as well as a Best of Show in the "Fatty McNasty Gallery of Gluttony"

Burger King - come on now! We're out here trying to do the right thing and eat right. What's next? An optional 40 of malt liquor in all your South Side outlets? Shame, shame.



P.S. And Burger King - what's the deal with pimping out my boy Hootie (Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish) in some purple cowboy duds and getting him to sing that corny Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song? Hootie - if you needed some quick cash, homeboy you could have called me! Dude - I don't care how hot the models are - it's a self respect thing man!

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