Thursday, July 14, 2005

Top 10 TV Shortys I'm Missing...8-7

Wassup, Y'all!

Before I get down to business with picks #8 & #7, I have a bone to pick with the August issue of Ebony magazine. Ebony - how you gonna put fine shorty Toni Braxton on your cover and then have old girl looking like she needs a laxative? Man - that whack glossy is like pimping out the interior of your Maybach with lime green crushed velvet! Shame, shame. Man, sometimes I think Stevie Wonder wouldn't have the first problem applying to be head photographer for Ebony or Jet and both those joints have been getting published since just before the civil war! We still tell stories of my great-great-great-great grandmama Cat Eye X bringing her Jet collection with her on the Underground Railroad... Anyway, let me stop crying and proceed to give you what you need. With out further ado I present the number 8 and 7 TV Shortys I'm missing from my Top Ten list...

#8 Karyn Parsons (Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Hilary Banks) You'll note from these next two picks that I was a big fan of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and it didn't have a damn thing to do with Big Willie Style or Carlton. They used to roll a bevy of cute shortys through that joint in guest spots like Nia Long and my girl Tyra Banks but the two other Banks girls Hillary and Ashley get my nod. First, I'm not sure what it was about my girl Karyn Parsons - maybe it was the fact that she was saditty like Kim Fields in Living Single. Whatever it was, I was paying attention every time she hit the screen and I had to break out the Kleenex when her fiance on the show - Trevor - got killed trying to propose to her while bunjee jumping. That episode was just wrong, y'all. I also liked her in Tim Meadow's blink-to-video movie Ladies Man. The part where she's been jilted at the alter and is sitting at a bar drinking in her wedding dress only gets better when Leon Phelps steps to her and tells her that she looks like she just shoved two hams down the back of her dress (if y'all don't get that, just peep this phony Serena Williams glossy and report back). Man, I wish I could drop classy lines like that...

#7 Tatyana Ali (Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Ashley Banks) Yeah - I know Taytana Ali played Karyn's *little* sister on the show, but as sometimes happens little sister grows up and leaves big sister in her tail lights. This is one of those times, y'all. Just like #10 TV Shorty Kellie Williams, Tatyana had to marinate a few seasons before stepping up to shorty status but who knew teriyaki, honey and barbeque sauce could do all that? Woooooo. I caught her recently playing a teacher on Lil Romeo's My Cinderella video (man funny how time flies) trying to turn out Lil Romeo. Dude, I had those same daydreams about my music teacher in junior high - ahhhh, Miss McCurdy. She rocked a solid 9.2 on my little biddy bop Shorty Damn Meter back in the day. If I *ever* had a teacher that looked like Tatyana up in my homeroom, I never would have graduated and would probably still be up in my mama's basement...hey, wait a minute...

Coming to a post near you Shortys 6 & 5 - stay tuned, y'all!



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